I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
