Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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