hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
