no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
