just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize