Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
