Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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