a search helicopter?!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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