I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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