don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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