the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
