why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize