You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
