these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
