You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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