It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
