I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
