Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
