Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
