I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
