If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
