we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
