So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
