All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
