I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
