i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
