Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
