my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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