Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
