I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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