Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
