I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
