its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
