he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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