There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
