dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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