I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
