does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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