It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
