we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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