Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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