My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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