I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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