69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
