Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
