my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
