I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize