Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
thus making me awesome and them whores
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Come share oat with me in your robe
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize