I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
