Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
