It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
