Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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