Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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