Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry about my life...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
