grandma shit on top of the toilet
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
