I didn't shave. On purpose
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize