i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
