If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
