Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize