he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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