Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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