Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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